This is love

The deepest losses offer the widest openings for us to receive the miracles in our midst.

~Tami Lynn Ken

Before you had a name or opened up your eyes
Or anyone could recognize your face.
You were being formed so delicate in size
Secluded in God's safe and hidden place.

With your little tiny hands and little tiny feet

And little eyes that shimmer like a pearl

He breathed in you a song and to make it all complete

He brought the masterpiece into the world.

You are a masterpiece
You are a masterpiece
A new creation He has formed
And you're as soft and fresh as a snowy winter morn.
And I'm so glad that God has given you to me
Little Lamb of God, you are a masterpiece.
And now you're growing up your life's a miracle
Everytime I look at you I stand in awe
Because I see in you a reflection of me
And you'll always be my little lamb from God

And as your life goes on each day
How I pray that you will see
Just how much your life has meant to me.

And I'm so proud of you
What else is there to say?
Just be the masterpiece He created you to be

Lyrics by Sandi Patty "Masterpiece", a song I love to sing over my babies as I rock them at night.

Shepherd Nathan Livers,

You are our spunky, fun-loving, laughing gift from God. From the moment we heard about you, you have brought joy and hope to our family. Your life is truly a gift from God and your story is one that brings honor to God. The name "Shepherd" means leader or teacher. "Nathan" means "God has given". Our prayer is that you would become a leader to Owen and Marley, to your friends, neighbors and to the world. God truly has given you much. We pray you will use your gifts to glorify Him. Happy 5th Birthday, Son. Love, Mom and Dad

Things about Shepherd:

• He's not shy. He loves to talk to others and ask about their life.
• He's bilingual. Yesterday at the car shop he immediately said "Adios Amigos" to the 2 Mexicans who were leaving. The whole waiting room died laughing.
• He loves music. He knows the names of most instruments and wants to play them all. He also loves to sing and makes up his own songs.
• He loves his brother and sister. He is so good to Marley and talks to her in his sweet baby girl voice. He also loves to play with Owen.
• He loves paper and work stuff. He finds treasures in most anything and will be seen carrying around random objects for days.
• He laughs, like all the time. It's a contagious giggle.
• He remembers everything. Stuff that I don't remember from years ago, Shepherd remembers.
• He's sensitive to heaven and the things of God. He asks us often about heaven and to tell him about Jesus dying on the cross.

Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will, To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved.

--Ephesians 1:5,6

Let it snow...

Since the predicted temperature for Wednesday is 12 degrees....yes, 12, and yes, we still live in Texas, I thought I'd dig out our snow pictures from early January.

Amazingly they were able to build a snowman.

Someone loves the cold...

Someone doesn't love the cold...

Someone looks cute in the cold...

Time for a warm bath...

Thoughts on grief and healing

Today makes seven years ago that we gave birth to our first child. Little did we know that she would change our lives forever. All babies change you, but Halley Raye impacted more people in her 55 days of life than most people do in 55 years. Here's my bullet point thoughts on the past 7 years regarding grief, healing and Halley Raye:

• God uses brokenness. God met us at rock bottom and used it for His glory.
• Sometimes giving God glory maybe all you can do in a situation. We had nothing left to give, only our desire for God to use the situation for His glory.
• It's okay to admit when things stink, really really stink. Wrestling with God is good.
• Grief shows up in the most unsuspecting places...even 7 years later. When I can pin-point my jealousy/bitterness/anger as grief in disguise then I can being healing.
• It's okay to move on. I've struggled with this now that I'm super busy with 3 little ones. I was sick today, we didn't make a cake or do anything very special for Halley other than talk about her precious life. I will not live in guilt. There will be times that we reminince a lot, and times that we don't. That's okay.
• Talking about Halley and Porter in normal life is so good for me...actually fun. Today I got to share her story with a lady at the park. What an honor to talk about her legacy on her actual birthday. I love getting to still talk about her as much as I do about Shepherd, Owen and Marley.
• It means so much when people ask about your kids--living or not. I love that my good friends easily let the name Halley and Porter roll off their tongue. It also means a lot when people remember.
• My prayer life increases when I'm in a valley. I don't want to only cry out to God when I'm desperate.
• And like my dad always said "sometimes you just fake it til you make it". There's value to this. Somedays I just needed to put a smile on...and once that smile was there my attitude and outlook would start to change. But...
• being real in a fake world is invaluable. It's important to let people know where you're at and as a friend, it's important to ask how your loved one is doing.

If you still actually read my blog...thank you. Thank you for caring and thank you for helping us along in this journey.

Happy Birthday, Halley Raye. We miss you and love you.

New Year Love

I love the start of a new year. It's so fresh, no mistakes, a clean slate. I just enjoy the redemptive qualities that I feel. So far 2011 hasn't let me down. Nate and I usually like to get away for a quick weekend of goal setting and marriage renewal at the beginning of the year. The more kids we've added the harder this has become. This year we might have to settle for a long date night. So I haven't set out my goals for the year. I like to set goals. It give me something to aim for and I'm not usually one to feel defeated if I don't complete each goal. The main areas I will be focusing on this year will be Marla as a daughter of God, wife, mom, friend, and manager of our Home. Each of these roles will have specific areas that I want to do better in. I'm in the season of life where if it's screaming it gets attention. Sometimes things that don't yell don't get dealt with. I need to change that.

So...happy 2011!

Hemingway Christmas....

Marley's hair is getting so long!

watching the first annual Christmas video that Laura made.

Christmas Day at our house with my sweet little family:
We read the Christmas story and then put baby Jesus in the manger.

Can you tell he loved his trumpet???? He carried it around for days, even sleeping with it. It was so cute!

Random pictures

Just cleaning up my pictures on my phone. These are so random. But depict our real life.


Nate and marley at the Christmas parade downtown.



First movie in the theatre, Toy Story 3.


Our elf, Kenny, made by me. It's really funny.


Cutie pig rocking the pigtails.



One of Nate's partners 1929 Packard. He has 6 cars this old.


Texas sunsets are awesome.









I made a ton of Carmel corn. It was so yummy.















Owen fell asleep in the chair like this.


Black Friday memory making with the sisters.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

I love my man.

I got a good man. I have no doubt. It's really cool when I think of all the moves my family took before moving to Arkansas (I think about 6 or so from when I was born). How God had Nate planned out just for me. How we'd meet at our tiny little high school and start dating at such a young age. Then God called me to go to a different college and then called me to transfer to OBU where Nate was. What a journey. Nate is faithful and consistent. He loves me. He loves our kids. He's devoted. His priorites are right on. He's a hard worker. He loads the dishwasher--with out me. even. asking. (yah, he's that good). Nate keeps our family laughing. When I'm stressed and uptight, Nate's that guy that does everything to try and make me laugh. It usually just makes me more mad, but I appreciate his attempts.

Today, I'm extra thankful for the One that God made just for me.